The Promise

Yesterday I've learned to be more careful with what I promise... because last night the story didn’t come out and I bag for your forgiveness! The story about writing is complicated... it is not as easy task as it may seem. To write, theoretically we all know, we take a piece of a new blank document and we start writing what we wish to say. Word after word, sentence after sentence, phrases, introduction, content, ending. We all have something to say or to debate, opinions and assessments; countless words are crowding our minds... Actually things are not as simple as that. Or at least for me this is not working as I wish to. Far from me the idea of being a writer, of having talent or a muse, or even inspiration. Nevertheless I have found out on my own skin/virtual piece of paper, that things are generally not easy, not even when it comes about writing. Sometimes, plain and simple, words won’t come out! If I insist, some of them eventually would come out one by one, but they simply don’t want to match, are fighting each other and won’t obey to stay in line inside the same sentence. And I keep on placing and replacing them, delete, rephrase, bring some other new words for help, I try and try to place them so the story could be understood, but it doesn’t work. It seems that this is not about me, here.

As much benevolence as I would have, and despite my will to keep my promise in front of you, sometimes I have no power to influence the words. I start writing, they hardly move, they stumble, I rewrite, restart, think again, until I give up...

Some other times the story flows by itself, words are flowing through my pen or my fingers and I find it hard to keep up the step, I numb for so much writing in the same position for hours. Sometimes I don’t even stretch my own legs for fear that the magic would disappear...

Same about joking... Sometimes I wish it would come out, as much as I would argue that I am bored! There are other times when I laugh of myself and I can’t even take myself seriously.

And I learned to obey, because it seems I don’t handle this area. So writing comes in waves. One day I am able to bring to life two poor phrases only, another day I write 50 pages. I am able to describe 20 pages of what crossed my minds in 10 minutes or to describe what happened an entire month in just ten lines. It is like sailing in the open sea... sometimes I feel like the wind is not strong enough to start carrying me towards the desired direction. Sometimes I catch a short blast, but the story is rich, and in just one page there are deep life experiences, and sometimes there’s no blast at all, then I hold on...

The day before yesterday I promised to tell the story the next day, but yesterday the story didn’t appear. Today I felt again that blast and so to speak I hoisted sail, and surprise... look at what I am writing! Instead the story about Permaculture, I am lucubrating on excuses, blaming it on something similar to inspiration, coming and going at it's own wish.

So I have learned to stop promising to reach some harbor, because I don’t know if there will be wind and if it will be, to what direction he will take me.

For days, there’s not wind blowing, sometimes I fill an entire notebook in just one day, not even being able to type as fast as words are flowing and for these moments a Bic pen is just perfect, the weight of this type of pen does count! In Lisbon, in just one day I have finished a ball pen... not all I write is for this blog, more and deeper feelings are to be found in my notebooks, thinking that maybe one day I will decide to publish a book.

Just like an old salesman smelling for the wind to come, I have started to feel the difference between the right breeze for a blog or for my notebook, since they have special tastes. Then my only option is to go with the wind, with the wave and not against... This is the reason for my absence some days, but not because I forget about you, but because the story is not just ready to appear before the footlights.

You are always on my mind; it was just a kick for me to find this out. And I feel that I am connected to you, yo make me never feel alone, instead I feel like having hundreds of friends to whom I keep telling my stories. To each one in particular. Thank you for existing, I can almost feel you to the other side of this mirror.

I’ve barely started narrating... I do have lots of things to say and I feel like there’s a lot more to come, but all will show up at it's own pace. Now I challenge you to write too.... maybe to write... to me. What would you like to find out about these communities I'm visiting? I have a list of over 50 questions for them, I am sure that you may have another 500... What are your expectations from an Eco village? What do you hope it will bring to you and to the World? Let’s follow this path together! Let your words float too! I'm looking forward for reading them!